A while back I helped out a neighbor with her computer. She bought mid-range ($700-ish) PC, not ages ago... it came with Windows Vista.
FUCK... brain fart as I type... can't remember the name... had the
commercial w/ the cute little black kid... has the word "PC" in the name...
My PC... Friendly PC... Smart PC... something like that... they were half a service provider, half a PC
mfr.
Anyway, her neighbor had installed MacAfee virus suite before removing
Norton AV (or vice versa), and the two were fighting each other, and
that neighbor bailed (after taking her money) and wouldn't fix the mess
she left.
It was a DUAL CORE Pentium... really, should chew up and spit out any
menial tasks this woman was gonna throw at it. Seriously... writing
letters, e-mail, web. NOTHING more.
So even after I finally got both malware apps off, and did a clean
instal of one, it was quickly clear that this PC was a DOG. It took
literally five or six MINTUES to boot to desktop. Took six MINUTES to
shut down. Getting updates (which required multiple restarts) drove me insane.
So I got a call yesterday asking if I could install her NEW computer.
She told me she was so frustrated after (now about) two or three years
on this computer she was ready to throw it out the window... she
literally would bang on it out of frustration.
So she purchased a Lenovo from Best Buy. Something in the $700 range. She finally got a bang for her buck. And THAT's what has me fuming. This old PC was NOT that long ago... there was NO EXCUSE for the poor performance that this thing gave her. ANYBODY could slap together a $700 PC that would function satisfactorily. This was a brand that was advertising on TV, and couldn't get it right.
Her son told her he'd set up the new PC in 10 minutes, and just transfer the files over... zip zip... and it would be no problem. Good mom that she is, she knows her son works hard all day and has a family, and said that she'd hire a pro (me) to do it right.
She even bought the EZ Transfer Cable (a simple USB cable) to connect the two PCs together to transfer files.
So here's how it went down...
Wake up old computer, and find the "Shut Down" option on the start menu.
Wait four or five minutes while "shutting down" while talking... then realized, "uh, this is ridiculous"
Hold the hard power button until it shuts down.
Crawl under desk. Unplug everything. Spend a few minutes straightening up the mess under there. Move old gear into the hallway... including the LAST CRT monitor on the planet. (so this was right on the cusp of LCD) It still had a roller ball mouse... USB keyboard, PS2 mouse.
Unpack new monitor as she marveled at the weight and footprint (or lack thereof).
Connect everything.
Power up.
(yup, as per her son's prediction... maybe 10-13 minutes)
Ooooo... Windows 8. A first for me. I'm not a-skeered.
So what does MS do?
1) End User License Agreement... option should say "Agree Without Reading".
2) Sign up for your Microsoft Account. (wasn't clear that this was optional), so I went for it... how hard could it be.
name, rank, serial number... e-mail... choose your password.
No, not enough letters.
No, need capitals and numbers.
OK, finally a weird password that this woman will never remember.
Continue and... Windows has encountered a problem. Installation will restart.
Ugh, seriously?!?
Quickly enough, it reboots, and I "Agree Without Reading", and this time OPT OUT of the MS Account. (Hey, why didn't I do that in the first place.) Most likely it didn't allow to continue because it couldn't yet find the internet... it couldn't yet find the internet because the OS was not yet installed. Thanks GENIUS BOYS !!!
Soooo, Win 8... what-coo-got ?!?
Name this computer.
Create a User... no, not THAT user, must be different from computer name. OK, fine!
On to user log on screen... uh, why are there TWO users. I really only entered one user. Hmm, next time that 2nd user didn't appear... just the once. (WTF?)
Win 8 starts with a nifty snazzy Startup Screen. Not a traditional desktop, just field of apps organized in some fashion... a MS section, a Lenovo section, and some "other" section. One option is "desktop". Click that and you're "kinda" in familiar territory. No "start" menu of any kind... gotta drag mouse to upper right corner to see it magically appear. OK, fine, it works pretty well.
Now to uninstall some bloat... minimalist, I just uninstalled MacAfee and installed free Avira. Told her "just don't use all that stuff that's installed".
One app she needed to use was her word processor. She had disks for (wait for it) MS Works Suite from her old computer. New PC came with teaser of MS Office 2010. (Uh, it's 2013, right?)
So we'll deal w/ that next. First things first... re-set up her old PC... mouse, keyboard, monitor.
Run EZ File Transfer on new PC, which prompts to install a flash drive (I brought), so I can run same app on OLD PC.
Run on Old PC... did I mention this old PC was a DOG. 13 minutes later, I have app running.
Connect EZ Transfer Cable between two USB ports. Select mostly defaults on both PC.
"Looking for EZ Transfer Cable" says the old PC... for six minutes, then reports "no EZ Transfer Cable Detected".
Just about then there's a pop-up at the bottom... Installing Drivers... EZ Transfer Cable dectected".
Yup... maybe 20 minutes now before two computers see each other.
Click to continue on both comps, using defaults.
Transfer starts and both PC say "Don't Use This PC During Transfer" while new PC shows action bars. (Why TWO action bars... 3.2 Gig for new PC, 650Meg for old PC... uh, is something going from New to Old??? WTF??)
This transfer starts to take about four minutes before a chunk shows up on new PC action bar.
Just about then a message appears on Old PC... "You would have faster transfer if you plugged into newer USB 2.0. Click here to see available USB ports."
Yup, I'm plugged into the USB port on the FRONT of the figgin' computer... and that's USB 1.0. Need to use the BACK of the computer to access the USB 2.0 port. WTF !!!!!!!! Not unplugging anything mid-transfer. Just gotta deal with this auto-negotiation back to 1996 tech.
Maybe 30-40 minutes later, transfer complete. All files are moved to where they should be.
So... disconnect, and shut down old dog for the last time in history. Good f'n riddance !!!
Plug in printer, let it find drivers... all looks good. Small glitch, it wants a manual "ok" on the printer's front panel each time we print, asking if it's OK to use the new paper. I think I fixed that in "printer settings".
Now, double click on one of her old word processor files. Options come up for MS Office...
1) have a license, enter code
2) go online and buy a license
3) use trial version
We try her old code from MS Works Suite... not surprisingly, no way.
She decides to buy online for $107 (discounted from $127).
Please enter MS Account or start a new one. ARGGGGG... I just opted out of that an hour ago !!!
OK new account. Enter all sorts of info... continue... uh, account already exists. Huh, it does??
OK, log in as this account, click "forgot password, send me re-set password link."
Wait... wait... wait... uh, they're not sending re-set password link."
Try again... this time e-mail comes.
Reset password. Buy software. Download software that's already installed (18 minutes?). Finally MS Office (Home and Student) is now installed !!!
A few more pokes and tweeks, trying to get AOL as her home page... but where are the "internet options" that I'm so familiar with... can't find them. Find some sort of way that seems to work... two tabs come up, one of them is AOL... but only if you go to DESKTOP first... don't go right to IE from the nifty startup window... that has a mind of its own.
All said and done, just about 3 hours on this PC to do the "10 minutes" of work.
This system DOES work fine. Starts up fast. Loads apps fast. Is QUIET. (Did I mention, old PC had screaming loud fan that didn't make a sound for minutes at a time while PC sat and did NOTHING... the SCREAMED to life as you saw it decide to do something.)
Anyway, her C-note turned into $125. (I just said, "Whatever you think it's worth to you". Was not gonna haggle... bad karma.) Not bad for 3 hours. Low level consultants get that... and this is cash money.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Worst Post Office Ever
I don't want this blog to be a depository of whines, moans, and complaints. But I will vent here from time to time. This is one of those times.
So it's well into the Christmas shopping season, and for many of us that means frequent trips to the Post Office to send or receive packages. Lately in my travels around NYC I've had the pleasure of frequenting many different post offices for various reasons. By far, the one that is consistently the WORST is my local Post Office in Inwood, on 204th Street.
In a neighborhood with a large immigrant population, it's not surprising that people use the Post Office frequently to send and receive packages and and money to their families abroad. So this place is always busy. But this would not be a problem if there was a professional staff working behind the bullet proof glass. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
When you enter the lobby, you see a set of velvet ropes forming three lines. Wrapped around the edge of the lobby, on the two walls beyond these ropes are a series of windows. Most windows are clearly marked "Retail Services". The two on the smaller wall at the end of the ropes are not clear.
So when you approach the three lines, the obvious thing to do is read the signs on the posts that should indicate what each line is for. In this day and age, at the very minimum you would expect to see something printed out on a laser printer (hell, even an ink jet). Nah, what you see is poorly handwritten notes written with Magic Marker, with crooked arrows drawn, pointing to the spaces between the ropes.
The leftmost line says something like "all services". Clear enough, that leads you close to the long wall with the "retail services" signs.
In between the other two, the handwritten note points only to the rightmost line, leaving the inner line completely ambiguous. It indicates that the rightmost line is for "pickup, money orders, stamps". Now mind you, I've been coming to this Post Office all my life. Of the two ambiguous windows, the left one is the express line for people just purchasing stamps, or for money order purchases. The rightmost one is for picking up packages exclusively. But the handwritten note, apparently scribbled by a 2nd grader, says otherwise.
So if you follow the directions, there are really only two lines. That is, until you get to the front of the line(s) and you see the 2nd hand scribbled note that indicates that there are 3 lines (as described above). However, the arrows are drawn in, crossed out, and drawn back in. Yup... scribbled out crooked arrows, and re-drawn crooked arrows. This is how this post office works. Not exactly inspiring confidence.
Of course there is a long line all the way to the left, where people have parcels and envelopes that need to be weighed and shipped, return receipts requested, and all that. That line moves fairly quickly as the electronic bell summons each customer to the next available window.
But the "pickup" window also has a fairly long line, and a gentleman patiently waiting at the window with nobody in sight inside the window. Presumably, the postal worker is in the back grabbing his package off the shelf. There are two or three people in the center (unmarked) line getting stamps or money orders.
So we wait patiently for the man to get his package. And we wait. And we wait. And we wait for a HALF HOUR before the worker returns to the window. No, I'm not kidding, not exaggerating. The entire line of people waiting to pick up packages is waiting for a half hour while they deal with one single customer. Five minutes in, people are getting antsy. Ten minutes in, people are starting to speak to each other, saying "this is ridiculous" and "is anybody even WORKING there?" (as far as we can tell, there is nobody behind that window) Twenty minutes in, people are downright angry.
During this time, those waiting for packages get to experience the cavalcade of humanity along the other lines. Most entertaining are the people who take the risk of just getting on the middle unmarked line, probably because it is the shortest and they think they will be in and out before the rest of us suckers. When somebody asks "what is this line for?", I pointed to the handwritten note in the front and said "stamps and money orders only"... at which point two people said "Not package pickup?" I said, no, that's this line (still waiting for the first guy to be served). So those people now have to get at the end of the line after they've waited several minutes on the short line, behind the several people who have come in since.
For some reason, at one of the retail service windows, the conversation gets heated, and the worker says in a loud voice "there are TWO LINES". (not really sure why this would come up at this point, but it happened) This was loud enough for the whole lobby to hear, and we all seemed to look incredulous at the THREE lines. I had to speak up and say "Uh, actually there are THREE lines... retail, stamps/money orders, and pickup." This was me doing my civic duty to inform the worker as well as the people who didn't know what line they were on. The woman said "Well I'M only dealing with TWO of them!"
Actually she was only dealing with ONE of them... the retail service line. But even if she was somehow dealing with two lines, it might be a good idea for a worker in a service industry to look at things from the CUSTOMER's point of view.
Now the customer who takes the cake was the woman who came in with a small dog peaking out of her coat, YELLING on her cell phone. Not yelling in an angry way, just yelling because she thinks that's how you talk on a cell phone. Her conversation went something like "YEAH, I'M IN THE POST OFFICE... HAHAHA... SURE, BUT NOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POST OFFICE... YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT NIGHTY, HE'LL LOVE IT... NO IT WILL LOOK SMALL ON YOU..."
By the time she finally gets to the full service window, she has her own confrontation with the postal worker. "What do you mean I can't use Scotch Tape. That's not what you said last time!! ... I'd like a little less ATTITUDE from you!! ... No, I'm allowed to have this dog, it's a SERVICE dog!! ... Don't tell me to hurry up!! (she was taking a while to swipe her ATM card) ... Where's your manager, I demand to speak to the manager!!!"
This resulted in a further delay as the manager was summoned. So apparently there IS a manager there to keep operations and customer service running smoothly. I wonder if he's the one who scribbles out the hand drawn arrows, or if he delegates that responsibility.
Meanwhile the next guy on line behind her, after he gets his business done quickly and efficiently, is sure to inform her that she's a selfish bitch who is holding up the line. Me, I'm still wondering what kind of service that dog was doing for this woman.
Eventually the worker at the pickup window comes back, asks the guy to sign something... no idea what happened there, maybe they couldn't find his package... he goes on hi sway and the next customer walks up. She fetches his package in a minute or so, and then cleans up her area and walks away... break time.
Her replacement comes in within a minute, so can't really blame them for that... and eventually I get my package. BTW: everybody in my family is getting a bamboo cutting board for Christmas. And those suckers are HEAVY!!
So it's well into the Christmas shopping season, and for many of us that means frequent trips to the Post Office to send or receive packages. Lately in my travels around NYC I've had the pleasure of frequenting many different post offices for various reasons. By far, the one that is consistently the WORST is my local Post Office in Inwood, on 204th Street.
In a neighborhood with a large immigrant population, it's not surprising that people use the Post Office frequently to send and receive packages and and money to their families abroad. So this place is always busy. But this would not be a problem if there was a professional staff working behind the bullet proof glass. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
When you enter the lobby, you see a set of velvet ropes forming three lines. Wrapped around the edge of the lobby, on the two walls beyond these ropes are a series of windows. Most windows are clearly marked "Retail Services". The two on the smaller wall at the end of the ropes are not clear.
So when you approach the three lines, the obvious thing to do is read the signs on the posts that should indicate what each line is for. In this day and age, at the very minimum you would expect to see something printed out on a laser printer (hell, even an ink jet). Nah, what you see is poorly handwritten notes written with Magic Marker, with crooked arrows drawn, pointing to the spaces between the ropes.
The leftmost line says something like "all services". Clear enough, that leads you close to the long wall with the "retail services" signs.
In between the other two, the handwritten note points only to the rightmost line, leaving the inner line completely ambiguous. It indicates that the rightmost line is for "pickup, money orders, stamps". Now mind you, I've been coming to this Post Office all my life. Of the two ambiguous windows, the left one is the express line for people just purchasing stamps, or for money order purchases. The rightmost one is for picking up packages exclusively. But the handwritten note, apparently scribbled by a 2nd grader, says otherwise.
So if you follow the directions, there are really only two lines. That is, until you get to the front of the line(s) and you see the 2nd hand scribbled note that indicates that there are 3 lines (as described above). However, the arrows are drawn in, crossed out, and drawn back in. Yup... scribbled out crooked arrows, and re-drawn crooked arrows. This is how this post office works. Not exactly inspiring confidence.
Of course there is a long line all the way to the left, where people have parcels and envelopes that need to be weighed and shipped, return receipts requested, and all that. That line moves fairly quickly as the electronic bell summons each customer to the next available window.
But the "pickup" window also has a fairly long line, and a gentleman patiently waiting at the window with nobody in sight inside the window. Presumably, the postal worker is in the back grabbing his package off the shelf. There are two or three people in the center (unmarked) line getting stamps or money orders.
So we wait patiently for the man to get his package. And we wait. And we wait. And we wait for a HALF HOUR before the worker returns to the window. No, I'm not kidding, not exaggerating. The entire line of people waiting to pick up packages is waiting for a half hour while they deal with one single customer. Five minutes in, people are getting antsy. Ten minutes in, people are starting to speak to each other, saying "this is ridiculous" and "is anybody even WORKING there?" (as far as we can tell, there is nobody behind that window) Twenty minutes in, people are downright angry.
During this time, those waiting for packages get to experience the cavalcade of humanity along the other lines. Most entertaining are the people who take the risk of just getting on the middle unmarked line, probably because it is the shortest and they think they will be in and out before the rest of us suckers. When somebody asks "what is this line for?", I pointed to the handwritten note in the front and said "stamps and money orders only"... at which point two people said "Not package pickup?" I said, no, that's this line (still waiting for the first guy to be served). So those people now have to get at the end of the line after they've waited several minutes on the short line, behind the several people who have come in since.
For some reason, at one of the retail service windows, the conversation gets heated, and the worker says in a loud voice "there are TWO LINES". (not really sure why this would come up at this point, but it happened) This was loud enough for the whole lobby to hear, and we all seemed to look incredulous at the THREE lines. I had to speak up and say "Uh, actually there are THREE lines... retail, stamps/money orders, and pickup." This was me doing my civic duty to inform the worker as well as the people who didn't know what line they were on. The woman said "Well I'M only dealing with TWO of them!"
Actually she was only dealing with ONE of them... the retail service line. But even if she was somehow dealing with two lines, it might be a good idea for a worker in a service industry to look at things from the CUSTOMER's point of view.
Now the customer who takes the cake was the woman who came in with a small dog peaking out of her coat, YELLING on her cell phone. Not yelling in an angry way, just yelling because she thinks that's how you talk on a cell phone. Her conversation went something like "YEAH, I'M IN THE POST OFFICE... HAHAHA... SURE, BUT NOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POST OFFICE... YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT NIGHTY, HE'LL LOVE IT... NO IT WILL LOOK SMALL ON YOU..."
By the time she finally gets to the full service window, she has her own confrontation with the postal worker. "What do you mean I can't use Scotch Tape. That's not what you said last time!! ... I'd like a little less ATTITUDE from you!! ... No, I'm allowed to have this dog, it's a SERVICE dog!! ... Don't tell me to hurry up!! (she was taking a while to swipe her ATM card) ... Where's your manager, I demand to speak to the manager!!!"
This resulted in a further delay as the manager was summoned. So apparently there IS a manager there to keep operations and customer service running smoothly. I wonder if he's the one who scribbles out the hand drawn arrows, or if he delegates that responsibility.
Meanwhile the next guy on line behind her, after he gets his business done quickly and efficiently, is sure to inform her that she's a selfish bitch who is holding up the line. Me, I'm still wondering what kind of service that dog was doing for this woman.
Eventually the worker at the pickup window comes back, asks the guy to sign something... no idea what happened there, maybe they couldn't find his package... he goes on hi sway and the next customer walks up. She fetches his package in a minute or so, and then cleans up her area and walks away... break time.
Her replacement comes in within a minute, so can't really blame them for that... and eventually I get my package. BTW: everybody in my family is getting a bamboo cutting board for Christmas. And those suckers are HEAVY!!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Screw You Apple... and that goes double for MicroSoft
And don't give me any of this "that's OLD technology"... we've improved since then. I'm cursing you out because of how much you sucked THEN. I don't care how much you've improved... you were SUPPOSED to have stable products four years ago. And frankly, I don't believe you have improved one bit... if anything, you're probably layered more crap on top of crap and made things worse. Who do I blame? Apple? Microsoft? I blame them both for not TALKING to each other, and making things FAR more complicated than they should be.
So what am I griping about? Here's the deal...
A few years back, I built a new computer for my dad. It was the latest and the greatest (within a reasonable consumer's price range). Core 2 Duo, 8GB of memory, twin hard drives, beafy power supply... you know how I do. And a legal licensed version of WinXP (SP3).
All he needs to do is browse the web, read e-mail, run AOL (yes, they still have an app), view and edit photos, use Office (legal and licensed), and run iTunes w/ his iPod. Oh, and the Family Tree maker. THAT's IT.
So all of the sudden, when iTunes decides to update itself with features NOBODY gives a rats ass about... it tells him "Your computer is trying to access a network resource that is no longer available. Can't find iTunes.msi"
OK, this computer NEVER had access to any "network resource" that would be capable of mounting a volume and serving up a file like "iTunes.msi". That's just pure crap.
So I get the call, block off some time, and head up to dad's apartment. I try to force the manual update... get the same message he was complaining about (and he dutifully copied it down on yellow legal pad for my benefit, and seemed to expect me to read it and have a solution off the top of my head... sorry dad, it doesn't work that way). BTW: it took Apple's servers 11 minutes to get ready to attempt to update. Hey Apple, instead of paying a dividend, how about a few extra pipes to your servers ?!?
So maybe it's just the online updater that is confused... how about I d/l the standalone installer from Apple.com. OK, so another 11 minutes later, I have the .exe. A few minutes later, I get the same message... they just don't seem to be able to update their own damn software if they can't find a file that may or may not have existed on a non-existent server that is no longer there.
OK, time to do a quick web search before I go any further. Ah, right away, somebody else has the same issue. The solution is simple... uninstall iTunes, run Window's own registry fixer, then reinstall iTunes... however this poor soul online found that they could not uninstall iTunes because they kept getting that same message "network resource not available, can't find .msi".
OK, so let me start by getting this registry fixer from Windows. The article was kind enough to link me to it. However, that piece of software no longer exists. Windows now suggests you install their "Fix It" program. MS touts that it will fix problems with installs and uninstalls BEFORE you attempt to do the uninstall. Hmm... sounds good to me. Click and get the "Fix It". Now run "Fix It"... uh, Fix It requires .net.
OK, go to MS and get .net. Oh shit, there's a WIZARD getting involved now. Sooo, Wizard doesn't ask much, just checks my system and asks if I agree to their license... fine, I don't know what you are, or what you want from me... but sure, I'll agree if you'll just let me get ON with this procedure.
So IMMEDIATELY after I do this FRESH install of .net, what does the Wizard tell me? I should really run the UPDATES so it is secure and stable. But wait, this was a FRESH install... why the HELL do I need updates?!? Isn't that YOUR JOB Mr. Wizard??
15 minutes later I'm ready to run Fix It. Fix it then downloads some stuff, installs some sort of "power shell" app, then I agree to their terms... then it scans the regi, then suggests I just let it fix EVERYTHING. I say "No, prompt me". Then it asks what I want to do... I select "iTunes" from the list, and chose "I want to update iTunes". Nope, can't help you with that. Oh, and there's a "back" button on that window, so I should be able to go back and try another option from their suggestions, right? Nope, the back button is grey. After they could not help me with my problem, there were no other choices except to quit Fix It.
OK, lets run Fix It again... wait, it's not on the start menu, no icon on the desktop... did this thing install? Back to the actual file I downloaded, and it goes through the whole thing again... d/l some stuff, asks me to agree to their terms... scans the regi, suggests I fix everything... I say "prompt me" and this time choose "uninstall iTunes". OK Fix It... do your stuff. You should be able to uninstall iTunes, right? I mean, that's what you DO, right? That's what you just TOLD me you could do, right?
Window comes up saying "Trying to fix problem with iTunes"... a progress bar with a meaningless indicator... a series of squares that run across the whole bar, then repeat... does NOT indicate any progress, time left, actions taken... NOTHING.
I hear the hard drive clickity clack (quiet these days, but I can hear it). So I wait... and I wait... and I wait... OK, how long does it take to uninstall an app? Stop services, delete files, edit registry, restart services (if any)... what, seven minutes? (I'd say 45 seconds, but I'm being generous here).
Run down to my apartment, check the rice "Damn, over done... glad it didn't burn!" Check my messages, return a few phone calls, back up to pop's place... this must be 20 minutes later... guess what ?!? EXACTLY where I left it.
Still, no indication WHAT this thing is doing... NONE. It's just "Trying to fix problem with iTunes".
So I tell pop, let this run all night, I'll come back and check in the morning. Who wants to bet that it's still trying to fix problem with iTunes ten hours from now ?!?
I can't believe I used to do this for a living. Good Riddance !!
So what am I griping about? Here's the deal...
A few years back, I built a new computer for my dad. It was the latest and the greatest (within a reasonable consumer's price range). Core 2 Duo, 8GB of memory, twin hard drives, beafy power supply... you know how I do. And a legal licensed version of WinXP (SP3).
All he needs to do is browse the web, read e-mail, run AOL (yes, they still have an app), view and edit photos, use Office (legal and licensed), and run iTunes w/ his iPod. Oh, and the Family Tree maker. THAT's IT.
So all of the sudden, when iTunes decides to update itself with features NOBODY gives a rats ass about... it tells him "Your computer is trying to access a network resource that is no longer available. Can't find iTunes.msi"
OK, this computer NEVER had access to any "network resource" that would be capable of mounting a volume and serving up a file like "iTunes.msi". That's just pure crap.
So I get the call, block off some time, and head up to dad's apartment. I try to force the manual update... get the same message he was complaining about (and he dutifully copied it down on yellow legal pad for my benefit, and seemed to expect me to read it and have a solution off the top of my head... sorry dad, it doesn't work that way). BTW: it took Apple's servers 11 minutes to get ready to attempt to update. Hey Apple, instead of paying a dividend, how about a few extra pipes to your servers ?!?
So maybe it's just the online updater that is confused... how about I d/l the standalone installer from Apple.com. OK, so another 11 minutes later, I have the .exe. A few minutes later, I get the same message... they just don't seem to be able to update their own damn software if they can't find a file that may or may not have existed on a non-existent server that is no longer there.
OK, time to do a quick web search before I go any further. Ah, right away, somebody else has the same issue. The solution is simple... uninstall iTunes, run Window's own registry fixer, then reinstall iTunes... however this poor soul online found that they could not uninstall iTunes because they kept getting that same message "network resource not available, can't find .msi".
OK, so let me start by getting this registry fixer from Windows. The article was kind enough to link me to it. However, that piece of software no longer exists. Windows now suggests you install their "Fix It" program. MS touts that it will fix problems with installs and uninstalls BEFORE you attempt to do the uninstall. Hmm... sounds good to me. Click and get the "Fix It". Now run "Fix It"... uh, Fix It requires .net.
OK, go to MS and get .net. Oh shit, there's a WIZARD getting involved now. Sooo, Wizard doesn't ask much, just checks my system and asks if I agree to their license... fine, I don't know what you are, or what you want from me... but sure, I'll agree if you'll just let me get ON with this procedure.
So IMMEDIATELY after I do this FRESH install of .net, what does the Wizard tell me? I should really run the UPDATES so it is secure and stable. But wait, this was a FRESH install... why the HELL do I need updates?!? Isn't that YOUR JOB Mr. Wizard??
15 minutes later I'm ready to run Fix It. Fix it then downloads some stuff, installs some sort of "power shell" app, then I agree to their terms... then it scans the regi, then suggests I just let it fix EVERYTHING. I say "No, prompt me". Then it asks what I want to do... I select "iTunes" from the list, and chose "I want to update iTunes". Nope, can't help you with that. Oh, and there's a "back" button on that window, so I should be able to go back and try another option from their suggestions, right? Nope, the back button is grey. After they could not help me with my problem, there were no other choices except to quit Fix It.
OK, lets run Fix It again... wait, it's not on the start menu, no icon on the desktop... did this thing install? Back to the actual file I downloaded, and it goes through the whole thing again... d/l some stuff, asks me to agree to their terms... scans the regi, suggests I fix everything... I say "prompt me" and this time choose "uninstall iTunes". OK Fix It... do your stuff. You should be able to uninstall iTunes, right? I mean, that's what you DO, right? That's what you just TOLD me you could do, right?
Window comes up saying "Trying to fix problem with iTunes"... a progress bar with a meaningless indicator... a series of squares that run across the whole bar, then repeat... does NOT indicate any progress, time left, actions taken... NOTHING.
I hear the hard drive clickity clack (quiet these days, but I can hear it). So I wait... and I wait... and I wait... OK, how long does it take to uninstall an app? Stop services, delete files, edit registry, restart services (if any)... what, seven minutes? (I'd say 45 seconds, but I'm being generous here).
Run down to my apartment, check the rice "Damn, over done... glad it didn't burn!" Check my messages, return a few phone calls, back up to pop's place... this must be 20 minutes later... guess what ?!? EXACTLY where I left it.
Still, no indication WHAT this thing is doing... NONE. It's just "Trying to fix problem with iTunes".
So I tell pop, let this run all night, I'll come back and check in the morning. Who wants to bet that it's still trying to fix problem with iTunes ten hours from now ?!?
I can't believe I used to do this for a living. Good Riddance !!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tale of Two Tablets, two stores, and two sides of town.
OK, so here's the premise... in my typical fashion, two weeks ago I told my friends I was starting to research which Tablet Computer is the best choice for Christmas 2011, and I was going to go down to the two flagship showrooms and grill the professional sales force, and report back with some definitive insights. So after a few quick searches, and a few articles, I finally (two weeks later) headed down get the hands on experience.
Now just for historical context...
It is now 2011... the eve of 2012. This year marked the 10th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11th. This year was the 100th birthday of the New York Public Library. The two southern entrances of Central Park had long since been established... Grand Army Plaza on the East and Columbus Circle on the West.
Two years ago, the media announced the final demise of the CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) and since then virtually everybody has switched over to a High Definition Flat Screen.
Steve Jobs died this year.
The first iPod was released 10 years ago.
Born the 60's, coming of age in the 70's, I saw the hippies, the punks, the grunge, the hipsters, disco, hip hop... I spent HOURS as a kid playing Pinball... mastering the nuance of my favorite machines. (Paragon... Fireball... FirePower... ) I saw the first video games EVER... Pong, Texas Shoot Out, Sea Wolf, Space Wars, Space Invaders, Asteroids, etc etc etc.
I owned an Apple ][ computer, with TWO floppy drives (the old 5.25 inch vinyl disks, and I'd cut a notch w/ a toe nail clipper so I could flip them over and use the other side). The two Steves were legends... Jobs and Wosniak, Wosniak being the ACTUAL genius, the other soon to be forgotten to history as the "smoke and mirrors" guy. (ok, so much for predictions)
BTW: that Apple ][ went for about $1300... not including a monitor. We just used an old TV.
But I digress... here we are 2011. Eve of 2012. Christmas is 11 days away. This is the year of the Tablet.
I was once actually PAID good money to be an early adopter. Advertising execs hired me (via their IT department) to poke around on the latest gadgets and report back to them. Long since I've been out of that game. I'm practically AMISH these days. I wait until tech is stable, then wait two more generations until it comes down in price... then I make the purchase. Well welcome to 2011 (eve of 2012).
So right now there are two stable products in direct competition. No other tablets are really relevant... and as we will see, even one of these is hardly relevant. The two contenders are the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 and the Apple iPad 2.
Cut to the chase... bottom line... Reader's Digest version...
... just pick one, buy it, and enjoy. Both products are essentially equivalent in functionality, in user experience, and in price. There is no WRONG choice here.
Want the nitty gritty... here's the chart and a decent article.
Galaxy 10.1 vs iPad2
So to cover the main concerns, if you want to chose between the two, only a few things matter.
BOTH are slim, light weight, and AMAZINGLY cool.
BOTH show movies in HD, photos, music, news, etc.
BOTH have BEAUTIFUL graphics displays.
BOTH now let you zoom in and out w/ your thumb and index finger in a "pinch" motion.
BOTH give that cool "flip of the finger" motion to scroll from page to page, including the nuance where if you flip faster, you will scroll faster and see "virtual momentum".
BOTH will take a day or two to get used to, a week or two to get the nuance, and inside a month you will probably have it down to second nature
BOTH go for between $500-$700
The hardware differences are VAST, yet from the end user's point of view, completely minimal. Does anybody really care??? The REAL difference is the Operating System. (iPad is 7 grams heavier... yes, the weight of seven paper clips... yet is about 1/8 inch slimmer. You GET me?)
So let's talk about quickly about Apple's image... and hypocrisy.
Let's just start with this, shall we?
Apple's 1984 commercial.
From DAY ONE, Apple kept tight control on their proprietary rights. Fair enough. They invented stuff, they want to OWN that stuff, and monetize that stuff. Let's ignore for one second that they actually STOLE the graphics user interface from Xerox (literally while the boss was out of the office, and a lackey let them in, and they downloaded the entire Xerox library of code). So how is it that this corporation who fiercely protects its proprietary rights and is attempting to dominate the marketplace... how are they seen as "raging against the machine"???
While Apple was building the Macintosh, there was already an "open source" community that was actually offering alternatives to the establishment. In fact IBM's first computers, and what is TO THIS DAY considered to be the "Windows Platform" is in really an open system. Apple IS the machine against which they are raging.
OK, this is getting far to long. Let me get to the main point, and describe my experience today.
Came out of the subway at Columbus Circle. The South West Entrance to Central Park. The statue of Christopher Columbus standing here since 1892, and the monument to The Maine (remember The Maine) since 1911. The Time Warner Center has been here for a decade, replacing the old New York Colosseum. I walk in the big main entrance, go upstairs two escalator flights up (paste the now defunked Boarders Bookstore... talk about irony)... up to the Samsung Flagship Showroom. It's BEAUTIFUL. Glass walls looking out over Columbus Circle and Central Park... tables set up w/ the tablets, sections on the side with the new Flat Screens, Laptops, Home Theater Systems...
Three freak/nerds at the main doorway to welcome me in. All wearing the nice Samsung clothes, ties on the gentlemen... but the tattoos and matted thick hair and unshaven faces gave away their freakish nature. (all good... I'm FINE with that). I should have stopped right there and stated my case... "I'm here too look at your Galaxy 10.1, ask a few questions, and then head across town to the Apple Store... now SELL ME your product !!!"
Nah, I walked by them, and headed to the table and poked around on the several Galaxy Tab 10.1 tablets that were on display. Spent a good 10 or 15 minutes getting a good idea of what was there. Mind you, I don't have Android ANYTHING right now... so I'm completely naive. Was able to pull up videos, pictures, web... found my OWN YouTube vids... assumed FB would work (didn't want to punch in my FB password on the demo unit).
Now here's what I want to talk about... this is THE FLAGSHIP STORE... at Columbus Circle, NYC... looking over Central Park... just upstairs is Jazz at Lincoln Center. This is the BIG TIME.
So I look around the store... not a lot of customers there. Mostly Euro-tourists. Some kids poking around on the Tablets or checking out the Home Theaters. No hustle, no bustle. The few workers (besides the nerds at the door) were more interested in surfing the web, or checking their FB accounts.
I looked over at the Samsung rep next to me, he was about 19 years old, native New Yorker from The Barrio... he didn't acknowledge my presence, was just poking around on a tablet. So I said "Can I ask you a few questions? First of all is the easy one... I'm thinking about buying a few of these for my family, but next I'm going across town to the Apple Store. Why should I buy the Galaxy instead of the iPad?"
OK, softball... should have a list of 10 reasons at the tip of his tongue. He was clueless. "Uh... do you like Android?" I said, "I don't know... I don't use Android." "Uh, well, if you like Android, well this runs Android... other than that... well, they're kind of the same."
DAMN KID... at least give me the sales pitch.
So I say "I have a camera in my pocket... I just shot a few pictures outside. Can you show me how to put them on this tablet?"
He said "Uh, we don't have a cable that connects to your camera. I think you have to go through a web site or something."
I repeated "Or something? Really?"
He said, "Yeah, maybe something like Snapfish."
OK, so he's useless. I pull over the Asian kid. I ask the same question. He's FAR more knowledgeable... which isn't really saying much. He said, if you plug this into your home computer with the USB cable, you can just drag and drop your pictures into the picture folder."
I said, "So it just mounts like an external hard drive? Doesn't launch some sort of iTunes app? I can just drag and drop? I like that... can you SHOW ME THAT?!?"
He says, "What do you mean?" I say, "well can you plug this tablet into a computer that's running Windows 7, and show me that it mounts like an external hard drive, doesn't launch some proprietary app, and lets me drag and drop files?"
He says, "Uh, well this unit is connected by a security device. And besides, we'd need a computer to show that."
I say, "Yeah, but this is a really basic feature. This is your main show room... in Columbus Circle... in New York City. In fact right there is a whole section of Samsung laptop computers on display. Can't you show me how you can connect this tablet to one of those computers, and move files to it?"
Him, "Uh, let me see." Talks to security guy... like this never ever came up before. They break out the special key, unhook the device, and we walk over to the laptop section. Unfortunately, the security device USB cable isn't standard, so he has to go into the back room to find a USB cable.
Meanwhile, one of the (apparently) main nerds who was manning the front door (remember the freak/nerds who welcomed me?) comes over because clearly something weird was going on. He seemed sort of flabbergasted that this guy left an unsecured tablet in front of me, while he went into the back room to look for a cable... he grabbed the tablet and held it until the guy came back from the back room. So twenty minutes in, I got to see that a Galaxy Tab running Android (Honeycomb 3.1) does mount as a hard drive and lets you drag and drop files. NICE! I like that !!! How about THEM Apples ?!? :-)
Next two questions, them I'm outta here. "Can I use this as a GPS?" "Sure, if you get the 3G version." "But under no circumstances will I be paying a monthly fee... so can I use the Galaxy Tab as a GPS without a monthly fee?" Answer, mostly accurate... "No."
But here's what bugged me... I said "are you sure?" He said, "Let me check..." Did he go to a supervisor, to a Samsung Wiki, to some definitive source of information? No, he went to Google.com and typed in Galaxy Tab 10.1 GPS. For THIS I came down to the flagship store?!?
Well before I left, I stopped by the nerd/geeks at the door. Turns out I should have just started with them. They were the guys who knew the products, knew the nuance, new what was what. There IS a USB connector offered by Garman that allows your Galaxy to act as a GPS. Otherwise, even without the G3 network, if you are in a WiFi hotspot (basically anywhere in NYC) you are likely to get a damn good idea of your location... but once you're outside the city, you need 3G and a monthly contract to figure out where you are. Also discussed a bit about development (something the floor guys were CLUELESS about). You can EASILY develop on the Galaxy, with just a USB cable, or your wireless network, or the Google environment. (Again, try that on Apple)
During this whole time (almost an hour), there was not a single SALE made in this Samsung show room. Just tourists poking around, and me asking easy questions that sent up red flags.
OK, walk across town to the main Apple Store in Grand Army Plaza... the OTHER main entrance to Central Park. No views of the park from here... Apple Store is under ground, inside the big glass cube, down the spiral staircase.
WOW!!! Maybe TWO THOUSAND people bustling all around the store. People lined up in a maze of ropes waiting for... well I don't know WHAT they were on line for. Red shirted "geniuses" pre-emptively asking people "can I help you... do you have any questions?" Though it was sometimes hard to get their attention, as they seemed to be waving people over form one table to another to show them some other device. And keep in mind, there are now FOUR Apple Stores in Manhattan... Grand Army Plaza (in front of FAO Schwartz), B'Way and 65th (there abouts... upper West Side), 14th Street and 9th, and NOW Grand Central Terminal. Each one equally as bustling.
The guy next to me got the attention of a sales rep, and she pleasantly gave advice and recommendations, and promptly sold him two iPads w/ extended warranties... each coming to about $750. She disappeared for a few minutes and returned with his iPads in the boxes, and a nifty Apple shopping bag (kinda like a knapsack).
She then happily turned her attention to me. I knew I was not gonna get to plug an iPad2 into a Win 7 PC, but I asked what would happen. She assured me, all communications to the iPad2 go through iTunes. You don't get folders, it doesn't mount like a flash drive, you are always "inside" iTunes.
When I asked her how I move my pictures from my camera to the iPad, she happily asked me to wait for a minute... and returned promptly with the solution... a usb adapter that would accept my HDSD card.
As with the Galaxy, the only true GPS functionality comes with a contract and monthly fee. Unlike the Galaxy, they DON'T offer a GPS add on device.
Development? Well apparently that's a whole other story. If you want to develop for the iPad, you need to upload your apps to Apple's central brain-tank... and if they're OK with what you're doing, they will allow you to download your own app onto your own device, and see if it works. Yes this IS the machine they were RAGING AGAINST !!! Keep in mind, Apple has been known to "brick" their devices. Yes THEIR devices... even though you bought it... if they don't like what you are doing with it, they will send the sliver bullet through the air waves and turn it into a door stop.
And finally, I really need to add the final feature... FLASH. Since Steve Jobs doesn't like the content that is being delivered by some people who use FLASH technology (ahem... porn), he decided to cripple the iPad. The iPad runs FLASH perfectly... but it will ONLY run FLASH when it is streaming content from YouTube. Otherwise, FLASH will not run. You paid for the device, but HE gets to decide (from the grave) what you do with it.
So there it is. Two very similar devices. A few technical advantages for each. Mostly the exact same functionality. Galaxy runs Android, is open source, allows drag and drop, allows easy development, and allows you to run Flash and watch porn. iPad runs iOS, is proprietary, does not allow drag and drop, needs to go through Apple's central office for development, and does not run Flash except for YouTube.
Neither can run as a GPS without a monthly fee, though for a one time purchase, you can get a GPS adapter for the Galaxy.
People are CRAMMED into the Apple Store, grabbing the knowledgeable staff and making purchases hand over fist. Inventory is FLYING off the shelf. Samsung store is staffed mostly by flunkies and a few knowledgeable managers, and is mostly empty to the point where you can hear crickets chirping... no sales to be seen.
Now just for historical context...
It is now 2011... the eve of 2012. This year marked the 10th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11th. This year was the 100th birthday of the New York Public Library. The two southern entrances of Central Park had long since been established... Grand Army Plaza on the East and Columbus Circle on the West.
Two years ago, the media announced the final demise of the CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) and since then virtually everybody has switched over to a High Definition Flat Screen.
Steve Jobs died this year.
The first iPod was released 10 years ago.
Born the 60's, coming of age in the 70's, I saw the hippies, the punks, the grunge, the hipsters, disco, hip hop... I spent HOURS as a kid playing Pinball... mastering the nuance of my favorite machines. (Paragon... Fireball... FirePower... ) I saw the first video games EVER... Pong, Texas Shoot Out, Sea Wolf, Space Wars, Space Invaders, Asteroids, etc etc etc.
I owned an Apple ][ computer, with TWO floppy drives (the old 5.25 inch vinyl disks, and I'd cut a notch w/ a toe nail clipper so I could flip them over and use the other side). The two Steves were legends... Jobs and Wosniak, Wosniak being the ACTUAL genius, the other soon to be forgotten to history as the "smoke and mirrors" guy. (ok, so much for predictions)
BTW: that Apple ][ went for about $1300... not including a monitor. We just used an old TV.
But I digress... here we are 2011. Eve of 2012. Christmas is 11 days away. This is the year of the Tablet.
I was once actually PAID good money to be an early adopter. Advertising execs hired me (via their IT department) to poke around on the latest gadgets and report back to them. Long since I've been out of that game. I'm practically AMISH these days. I wait until tech is stable, then wait two more generations until it comes down in price... then I make the purchase. Well welcome to 2011 (eve of 2012).
So right now there are two stable products in direct competition. No other tablets are really relevant... and as we will see, even one of these is hardly relevant. The two contenders are the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 and the Apple iPad 2.
Cut to the chase... bottom line... Reader's Digest version...
... just pick one, buy it, and enjoy. Both products are essentially equivalent in functionality, in user experience, and in price. There is no WRONG choice here.
Want the nitty gritty... here's the chart and a decent article.
Galaxy 10.1 vs iPad2
So to cover the main concerns, if you want to chose between the two, only a few things matter.
BOTH are slim, light weight, and AMAZINGLY cool.
BOTH show movies in HD, photos, music, news, etc.
BOTH have BEAUTIFUL graphics displays.
BOTH now let you zoom in and out w/ your thumb and index finger in a "pinch" motion.
BOTH give that cool "flip of the finger" motion to scroll from page to page, including the nuance where if you flip faster, you will scroll faster and see "virtual momentum".
BOTH will take a day or two to get used to, a week or two to get the nuance, and inside a month you will probably have it down to second nature
BOTH go for between $500-$700
The hardware differences are VAST, yet from the end user's point of view, completely minimal. Does anybody really care??? The REAL difference is the Operating System. (iPad is 7 grams heavier... yes, the weight of seven paper clips... yet is about 1/8 inch slimmer. You GET me?)
So let's talk about quickly about Apple's image... and hypocrisy.
Let's just start with this, shall we?
Apple's 1984 commercial.
From DAY ONE, Apple kept tight control on their proprietary rights. Fair enough. They invented stuff, they want to OWN that stuff, and monetize that stuff. Let's ignore for one second that they actually STOLE the graphics user interface from Xerox (literally while the boss was out of the office, and a lackey let them in, and they downloaded the entire Xerox library of code). So how is it that this corporation who fiercely protects its proprietary rights and is attempting to dominate the marketplace... how are they seen as "raging against the machine"???
While Apple was building the Macintosh, there was already an "open source" community that was actually offering alternatives to the establishment. In fact IBM's first computers, and what is TO THIS DAY considered to be the "Windows Platform" is in really an open system. Apple IS the machine against which they are raging.
OK, this is getting far to long. Let me get to the main point, and describe my experience today.
Came out of the subway at Columbus Circle. The South West Entrance to Central Park. The statue of Christopher Columbus standing here since 1892, and the monument to The Maine (remember The Maine) since 1911. The Time Warner Center has been here for a decade, replacing the old New York Colosseum. I walk in the big main entrance, go upstairs two escalator flights up (paste the now defunked Boarders Bookstore... talk about irony)... up to the Samsung Flagship Showroom. It's BEAUTIFUL. Glass walls looking out over Columbus Circle and Central Park... tables set up w/ the tablets, sections on the side with the new Flat Screens, Laptops, Home Theater Systems...
Three freak/nerds at the main doorway to welcome me in. All wearing the nice Samsung clothes, ties on the gentlemen... but the tattoos and matted thick hair and unshaven faces gave away their freakish nature. (all good... I'm FINE with that). I should have stopped right there and stated my case... "I'm here too look at your Galaxy 10.1, ask a few questions, and then head across town to the Apple Store... now SELL ME your product !!!"
Nah, I walked by them, and headed to the table and poked around on the several Galaxy Tab 10.1 tablets that were on display. Spent a good 10 or 15 minutes getting a good idea of what was there. Mind you, I don't have Android ANYTHING right now... so I'm completely naive. Was able to pull up videos, pictures, web... found my OWN YouTube vids... assumed FB would work (didn't want to punch in my FB password on the demo unit).
Now here's what I want to talk about... this is THE FLAGSHIP STORE... at Columbus Circle, NYC... looking over Central Park... just upstairs is Jazz at Lincoln Center. This is the BIG TIME.
So I look around the store... not a lot of customers there. Mostly Euro-tourists. Some kids poking around on the Tablets or checking out the Home Theaters. No hustle, no bustle. The few workers (besides the nerds at the door) were more interested in surfing the web, or checking their FB accounts.
I looked over at the Samsung rep next to me, he was about 19 years old, native New Yorker from The Barrio... he didn't acknowledge my presence, was just poking around on a tablet. So I said "Can I ask you a few questions? First of all is the easy one... I'm thinking about buying a few of these for my family, but next I'm going across town to the Apple Store. Why should I buy the Galaxy instead of the iPad?"
OK, softball... should have a list of 10 reasons at the tip of his tongue. He was clueless. "Uh... do you like Android?" I said, "I don't know... I don't use Android." "Uh, well, if you like Android, well this runs Android... other than that... well, they're kind of the same."
DAMN KID... at least give me the sales pitch.
So I say "I have a camera in my pocket... I just shot a few pictures outside. Can you show me how to put them on this tablet?"
He said "Uh, we don't have a cable that connects to your camera. I think you have to go through a web site or something."
I repeated "Or something? Really?"
He said, "Yeah, maybe something like Snapfish."
OK, so he's useless. I pull over the Asian kid. I ask the same question. He's FAR more knowledgeable... which isn't really saying much. He said, if you plug this into your home computer with the USB cable, you can just drag and drop your pictures into the picture folder."
I said, "So it just mounts like an external hard drive? Doesn't launch some sort of iTunes app? I can just drag and drop? I like that... can you SHOW ME THAT?!?"
He says, "What do you mean?" I say, "well can you plug this tablet into a computer that's running Windows 7, and show me that it mounts like an external hard drive, doesn't launch some proprietary app, and lets me drag and drop files?"
He says, "Uh, well this unit is connected by a security device. And besides, we'd need a computer to show that."
I say, "Yeah, but this is a really basic feature. This is your main show room... in Columbus Circle... in New York City. In fact right there is a whole section of Samsung laptop computers on display. Can't you show me how you can connect this tablet to one of those computers, and move files to it?"
Him, "Uh, let me see." Talks to security guy... like this never ever came up before. They break out the special key, unhook the device, and we walk over to the laptop section. Unfortunately, the security device USB cable isn't standard, so he has to go into the back room to find a USB cable.
Meanwhile, one of the (apparently) main nerds who was manning the front door (remember the freak/nerds who welcomed me?) comes over because clearly something weird was going on. He seemed sort of flabbergasted that this guy left an unsecured tablet in front of me, while he went into the back room to look for a cable... he grabbed the tablet and held it until the guy came back from the back room. So twenty minutes in, I got to see that a Galaxy Tab running Android (Honeycomb 3.1) does mount as a hard drive and lets you drag and drop files. NICE! I like that !!! How about THEM Apples ?!? :-)
Next two questions, them I'm outta here. "Can I use this as a GPS?" "Sure, if you get the 3G version." "But under no circumstances will I be paying a monthly fee... so can I use the Galaxy Tab as a GPS without a monthly fee?" Answer, mostly accurate... "No."
But here's what bugged me... I said "are you sure?" He said, "Let me check..." Did he go to a supervisor, to a Samsung Wiki, to some definitive source of information? No, he went to Google.com and typed in Galaxy Tab 10.1 GPS. For THIS I came down to the flagship store?!?
Well before I left, I stopped by the nerd/geeks at the door. Turns out I should have just started with them. They were the guys who knew the products, knew the nuance, new what was what. There IS a USB connector offered by Garman that allows your Galaxy to act as a GPS. Otherwise, even without the G3 network, if you are in a WiFi hotspot (basically anywhere in NYC) you are likely to get a damn good idea of your location... but once you're outside the city, you need 3G and a monthly contract to figure out where you are. Also discussed a bit about development (something the floor guys were CLUELESS about). You can EASILY develop on the Galaxy, with just a USB cable, or your wireless network, or the Google environment. (Again, try that on Apple)
During this whole time (almost an hour), there was not a single SALE made in this Samsung show room. Just tourists poking around, and me asking easy questions that sent up red flags.
OK, walk across town to the main Apple Store in Grand Army Plaza... the OTHER main entrance to Central Park. No views of the park from here... Apple Store is under ground, inside the big glass cube, down the spiral staircase.
WOW!!! Maybe TWO THOUSAND people bustling all around the store. People lined up in a maze of ropes waiting for... well I don't know WHAT they were on line for. Red shirted "geniuses" pre-emptively asking people "can I help you... do you have any questions?" Though it was sometimes hard to get their attention, as they seemed to be waving people over form one table to another to show them some other device. And keep in mind, there are now FOUR Apple Stores in Manhattan... Grand Army Plaza (in front of FAO Schwartz), B'Way and 65th (there abouts... upper West Side), 14th Street and 9th, and NOW Grand Central Terminal. Each one equally as bustling.
The guy next to me got the attention of a sales rep, and she pleasantly gave advice and recommendations, and promptly sold him two iPads w/ extended warranties... each coming to about $750. She disappeared for a few minutes and returned with his iPads in the boxes, and a nifty Apple shopping bag (kinda like a knapsack).
She then happily turned her attention to me. I knew I was not gonna get to plug an iPad2 into a Win 7 PC, but I asked what would happen. She assured me, all communications to the iPad2 go through iTunes. You don't get folders, it doesn't mount like a flash drive, you are always "inside" iTunes.
When I asked her how I move my pictures from my camera to the iPad, she happily asked me to wait for a minute... and returned promptly with the solution... a usb adapter that would accept my HDSD card.
As with the Galaxy, the only true GPS functionality comes with a contract and monthly fee. Unlike the Galaxy, they DON'T offer a GPS add on device.
Development? Well apparently that's a whole other story. If you want to develop for the iPad, you need to upload your apps to Apple's central brain-tank... and if they're OK with what you're doing, they will allow you to download your own app onto your own device, and see if it works. Yes this IS the machine they were RAGING AGAINST !!! Keep in mind, Apple has been known to "brick" their devices. Yes THEIR devices... even though you bought it... if they don't like what you are doing with it, they will send the sliver bullet through the air waves and turn it into a door stop.
And finally, I really need to add the final feature... FLASH. Since Steve Jobs doesn't like the content that is being delivered by some people who use FLASH technology (ahem... porn), he decided to cripple the iPad. The iPad runs FLASH perfectly... but it will ONLY run FLASH when it is streaming content from YouTube. Otherwise, FLASH will not run. You paid for the device, but HE gets to decide (from the grave) what you do with it.
So there it is. Two very similar devices. A few technical advantages for each. Mostly the exact same functionality. Galaxy runs Android, is open source, allows drag and drop, allows easy development, and allows you to run Flash and watch porn. iPad runs iOS, is proprietary, does not allow drag and drop, needs to go through Apple's central office for development, and does not run Flash except for YouTube.
Neither can run as a GPS without a monthly fee, though for a one time purchase, you can get a GPS adapter for the Galaxy.
People are CRAMMED into the Apple Store, grabbing the knowledgeable staff and making purchases hand over fist. Inventory is FLYING off the shelf. Samsung store is staffed mostly by flunkies and a few knowledgeable managers, and is mostly empty to the point where you can hear crickets chirping... no sales to be seen.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Grand Central Terminal tour
Was fun and interesting, though could have been better in my opinion. The tour was sponsored by the Grand Central Development Corp (or group, our whatever they're called). They are the group who puts out the information kiosks, the garbage cans, etc etc... apparently taxes in NYC only go so far, and are not enough to cover things like Central Park, or Zuccotti Park, or to keep districts up to par... so the better connected groups can organize and make their own areas better with their "Development Corps" (or whatever they're called).
We started in the lobby (privately owned public space) of a building across the street. For almost an hour it was a lecture by the guide, with some pictures on a clipboard (just a few, like 4 or 5).
The guide was a dandy of a fellow, in a nice suite and bow tie, with a brass white rabbit on the lapel of his suite coat. I'm going out on a limb here, and guess that he's an old gay jew in his late 60s. While he was a fountain of information, he also was putting on a show. I guess that's what we tour guides do. But he can't sing, or dance... and his jokes are pretty bad. He often uses volunteers from the audience for visual aids, except that he's expressing simple concepts that don't really need a visual aide, so they end up sort of cheap ways to get audience participation for no real reason (imo). For example, hes demonstrating that the building we were in did not own the land it was resting on... they really just own the air rights, i.e. the rights to build above the land below them. So he brings up a woman, asks her to remove her glove, hold her hand out in front of her, and has several people touch her hand and asks how it feels. Not really sure what that was about, people awkwardly said "warm" and "soft"... really just a way to get a few people involved in the demo I guess... then asked what she was holding in her hand. Eventually we came to the conclusion (ok, he just said it) that she was holding hundreds of millions of dollars of air... then he started blowing air towards her hand saying "millions and millions of dollars". OK, kind of cute, got a vague smile from some people. But we didn't come here for the silly demonstrations, or to be entertained... we came here for INFORMATION. (well, I did) Honestly, there are funnier people to make you laugh, better entertainers on every street corner of Times Square... let's just stick to the stories.
But I get it, and he IS THE professional. But it reminded me of a magician... minus the magic. His big reveal was not some mind-bending illusion, but a simple fact.
That said, he did have some really interesting and enlightening facts and stories about NYC, Park Avenue, architecture in general, socio-politics, religion, business, finances, literature, etc. I just didn't need the silly visuals... they were distracting to me, and dragged the process out rather than making it more interesting. Most entertaining is the old gay dude trying to visually demonstrate how a man would make romantic gestures towards a woman. Round hole, square peg.
To a large extent it was his version of New York History, starting with a diatribe about how NYC and America at large was not a Christian nation. Now I was told, as tour guides, we should avoid religion and politics... which of course is impossible if you are talking about history and site, which are inevitably tied to religion and politics... but there are boundaries. He seemed to be proselytizing, or perhaps challenging some potential tourists from the Bible Belt (don't know if any were present)... trying to inject his New York Liberal Gay Jew paradigm. I also note, this forum was not a debate... while there were some questions and comments from the audience, it was mostly his monologue. So nobody could really challenge his assertions.
Mind you, he did have a convincing argument... and I agree with him on most of his points. I'm just not sure why this was the forum for this subject... and not sure we got the whole story.
But this was not for no reason at all, it lead into the construction of St. Patrick's Cathedral... built by those NON-Christians known as the Irish Catholics... his point being that the only official Christians in NYC were the ones who acknowledged the British Monarch as the head of the Church. Irish were NOT allowed to be buried inside the City Limits, so they built their own Cathedral out in the sprawling grassy hinterlands.
He made clear that the event includes a tour of Grand Central Terminal, but was sponsored by the consortium to bring awareness to the whole neighborhood... thus the history lesson was appropriate. The tour of GCT was cool, but by now I knew pretty much all the facts that he relayed to us. For me, it was more of a learning experience as to how a professional tour guide works. This guy literally wrote the tour guide test.
Just like my instructor (and his buddy) Lee Gelber, he's a bit out of date. For example, telling the crowd how The Hotel Pennsylvania has the most famous phone number... and goes into a little routine where he hums the tune and dances a bit, and expects the crowd to all chime in and sing Pennsylvania 6 5000. One guy (besides me) knew the lyric. Uh, everybody knows the most popular phone number is 867-5309 !!!
We started in the lobby (privately owned public space) of a building across the street. For almost an hour it was a lecture by the guide, with some pictures on a clipboard (just a few, like 4 or 5).
The guide was a dandy of a fellow, in a nice suite and bow tie, with a brass white rabbit on the lapel of his suite coat. I'm going out on a limb here, and guess that he's an old gay jew in his late 60s. While he was a fountain of information, he also was putting on a show. I guess that's what we tour guides do. But he can't sing, or dance... and his jokes are pretty bad. He often uses volunteers from the audience for visual aids, except that he's expressing simple concepts that don't really need a visual aide, so they end up sort of cheap ways to get audience participation for no real reason (imo). For example, hes demonstrating that the building we were in did not own the land it was resting on... they really just own the air rights, i.e. the rights to build above the land below them. So he brings up a woman, asks her to remove her glove, hold her hand out in front of her, and has several people touch her hand and asks how it feels. Not really sure what that was about, people awkwardly said "warm" and "soft"... really just a way to get a few people involved in the demo I guess... then asked what she was holding in her hand. Eventually we came to the conclusion (ok, he just said it) that she was holding hundreds of millions of dollars of air... then he started blowing air towards her hand saying "millions and millions of dollars". OK, kind of cute, got a vague smile from some people. But we didn't come here for the silly demonstrations, or to be entertained... we came here for INFORMATION. (well, I did) Honestly, there are funnier people to make you laugh, better entertainers on every street corner of Times Square... let's just stick to the stories.
But I get it, and he IS THE professional. But it reminded me of a magician... minus the magic. His big reveal was not some mind-bending illusion, but a simple fact.
That said, he did have some really interesting and enlightening facts and stories about NYC, Park Avenue, architecture in general, socio-politics, religion, business, finances, literature, etc. I just didn't need the silly visuals... they were distracting to me, and dragged the process out rather than making it more interesting. Most entertaining is the old gay dude trying to visually demonstrate how a man would make romantic gestures towards a woman. Round hole, square peg.
To a large extent it was his version of New York History, starting with a diatribe about how NYC and America at large was not a Christian nation. Now I was told, as tour guides, we should avoid religion and politics... which of course is impossible if you are talking about history and site, which are inevitably tied to religion and politics... but there are boundaries. He seemed to be proselytizing, or perhaps challenging some potential tourists from the Bible Belt (don't know if any were present)... trying to inject his New York Liberal Gay Jew paradigm. I also note, this forum was not a debate... while there were some questions and comments from the audience, it was mostly his monologue. So nobody could really challenge his assertions.
Mind you, he did have a convincing argument... and I agree with him on most of his points. I'm just not sure why this was the forum for this subject... and not sure we got the whole story.
But this was not for no reason at all, it lead into the construction of St. Patrick's Cathedral... built by those NON-Christians known as the Irish Catholics... his point being that the only official Christians in NYC were the ones who acknowledged the British Monarch as the head of the Church. Irish were NOT allowed to be buried inside the City Limits, so they built their own Cathedral out in the sprawling grassy hinterlands.
He made clear that the event includes a tour of Grand Central Terminal, but was sponsored by the consortium to bring awareness to the whole neighborhood... thus the history lesson was appropriate. The tour of GCT was cool, but by now I knew pretty much all the facts that he relayed to us. For me, it was more of a learning experience as to how a professional tour guide works. This guy literally wrote the tour guide test.
Just like my instructor (and his buddy) Lee Gelber, he's a bit out of date. For example, telling the crowd how The Hotel Pennsylvania has the most famous phone number... and goes into a little routine where he hums the tune and dances a bit, and expects the crowd to all chime in and sing Pennsylvania 6 5000. One guy (besides me) knew the lyric. Uh, everybody knows the most popular phone number is 867-5309 !!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Best Tour Ever
At about 5:45pm my dispatcher tells me he's got a charter for me. That could mean anything, but he gives me the detail sheet. Jump in a van on 8th ave in Midtown, meet the driver, head over to the Essex House on Central Park South, and pick up six passengers for a four hour tour (actually took 3 hours).
Well the six passengers were a couple in their 70's, their two kids and a spouse (in their 40's), and a couple of grand-kids (maybe 5 and 8). This is all wide open... I got the van, a driver, and my clients... so I ask, "So what do you folks have in mind?"
"Well, we just want to drive around New York, head downtown, maybe see the Statue of Liberty. I don't know, you tell us."
"OK, we can do that. So where are you from?"
After a bit of conversation, and the ice breaks, I hear from the older folks "If possible, could we maybe take a detour into Brooklyn? You see, my wife an I were both stationed here in New York City 51 years ago... over in the Brooklyn Navy Yards. I was in the Marines, she was in the Navy. We lived here in New York for two years, and we got married here... 51 years ago. We'd like to go past the place and see what's still there."
Kept my composure, and just smiled and said "Yes sir, I think we can do that for you."
Gave them the grand tour down 5th Avenue, the New York Public Library, Lord and Taylor w/ the window displays up, Cartier wrapped up like a Christmas Package... THANK YOU CHRISTMAS for coming so early !!! Pull out all my best stories, answer questions, then over the Manhattan Bridge, see the Brooklyn Bridge, The Statue of Liberty, etc.
Then off to find the Navy Yards... not hard, it's just off Navy Street. (go figure)
"Look honey, remember... that was my post, right there. Look, that's where I stayed... where was your place. Oh yeah, right down the street, over there...WOW. OMG, such memories!!!"
Next he starts schooling me on the receiving station, the different functions going on in the different buildings... "carpentry over there, welding over there..."
He's telling me about how he and his seven buddies would go into Chinatown in Manhattan and order enough food for 20 people. How they never had to pay for a drink when they were in uniform... and how they took advantage of that fact. How they knew the bar which didn't exactly "close" but would just lock their door for an hour or so at 4am. (I said "come up to Inwood some time.")
Back through Brooklyn Heights... "Hey, that's where I had to go to get my marriage license."
Finally back to Manhattan and daughter asks for Nolita... well luckily I had done my walking tours and taken all those photos... I took them by the old Police Station (that AMAZING one), and then down some streets where we could peek into the windows and catch a glimpse the LOFT apartments done up with chandeliers and bookcases.
OK, I knew we had to go past The Intrepid (lots of oohs and ahhs), and as I'm about to take them back home, I get "My daughter wants to see the New Years Ball."
Sooo down 7th Avenue... they were amazed with the flashing lights... how it was like daylight in Times Square. The old guy tells me that he was IN Times Square on New Years Eve in the early 60's... how he (standing at 6'2") was held up by the crowds, his feet not touching the floor... just one hand on his wallet the whole time.
End of the trip, "Thanks Kevin, that was PERFECT. Thanks for bringing back some great memories."
"The pleasure was all mine. I'm glad I could be part of this experience."
Oh, and the commemorative picture of Benjamin Franklin they gave me was a nice touch. :)
Well the six passengers were a couple in their 70's, their two kids and a spouse (in their 40's), and a couple of grand-kids (maybe 5 and 8). This is all wide open... I got the van, a driver, and my clients... so I ask, "So what do you folks have in mind?"
"Well, we just want to drive around New York, head downtown, maybe see the Statue of Liberty. I don't know, you tell us."
"OK, we can do that. So where are you from?"
After a bit of conversation, and the ice breaks, I hear from the older folks "If possible, could we maybe take a detour into Brooklyn? You see, my wife an I were both stationed here in New York City 51 years ago... over in the Brooklyn Navy Yards. I was in the Marines, she was in the Navy. We lived here in New York for two years, and we got married here... 51 years ago. We'd like to go past the place and see what's still there."
Kept my composure, and just smiled and said "Yes sir, I think we can do that for you."
Gave them the grand tour down 5th Avenue, the New York Public Library, Lord and Taylor w/ the window displays up, Cartier wrapped up like a Christmas Package... THANK YOU CHRISTMAS for coming so early !!! Pull out all my best stories, answer questions, then over the Manhattan Bridge, see the Brooklyn Bridge, The Statue of Liberty, etc.
Then off to find the Navy Yards... not hard, it's just off Navy Street. (go figure)
"Look honey, remember... that was my post, right there. Look, that's where I stayed... where was your place. Oh yeah, right down the street, over there...WOW. OMG, such memories!!!"
Next he starts schooling me on the receiving station, the different functions going on in the different buildings... "carpentry over there, welding over there..."
He's telling me about how he and his seven buddies would go into Chinatown in Manhattan and order enough food for 20 people. How they never had to pay for a drink when they were in uniform... and how they took advantage of that fact. How they knew the bar which didn't exactly "close" but would just lock their door for an hour or so at 4am. (I said "come up to Inwood some time.")
Back through Brooklyn Heights... "Hey, that's where I had to go to get my marriage license."
Finally back to Manhattan and daughter asks for Nolita... well luckily I had done my walking tours and taken all those photos... I took them by the old Police Station (that AMAZING one), and then down some streets where we could peek into the windows and catch a glimpse the LOFT apartments done up with chandeliers and bookcases.
OK, I knew we had to go past The Intrepid (lots of oohs and ahhs), and as I'm about to take them back home, I get "My daughter wants to see the New Years Ball."
Sooo down 7th Avenue... they were amazed with the flashing lights... how it was like daylight in Times Square. The old guy tells me that he was IN Times Square on New Years Eve in the early 60's... how he (standing at 6'2") was held up by the crowds, his feet not touching the floor... just one hand on his wallet the whole time.
End of the trip, "Thanks Kevin, that was PERFECT. Thanks for bringing back some great memories."
"The pleasure was all mine. I'm glad I could be part of this experience."
Oh, and the commemorative picture of Benjamin Franklin they gave me was a nice touch. :)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Maiden Voyage
Arrrgggg me laddies, come and hear the tale of me maiden voyage... and how I narrowly avoided death, and lived to tell of it.
OK, wasn't really harrowing, but it was every bit as nerve racking as I thought it might be.
I'm supposed to show up at 3:25. I showed up early, had my notes on cards on a clip board for easy reference in case I got stuck, had my mic and my tip jar, got my license on display in my neck lanyard. I walk over to the only driver and I introduce myself, and he says I MIGHT be on his next bus, or maybe the next one. I should go talk to the dispatcher. Dispatcher is a thug-life home boy working his cell phone, doesn't seem to want to pay any attention to me. Eventually I get his attention and told him I was told to show up at 3:25. He says, "OK, I'll put you on the 3:40 tour. Wait over there." That gives me a good 15 minutes.
Stage fright is at it's max... I sort of want to just walk away and say "This was a stupid idea anyway." JUST THEN I got a text, from a girl I know who likes to send inspirational messages once in a while. I haven't heard from her in six months at least... she has no idea what I'm doing. It read something like "Face your fears, do something new and exciting, be with new people today..."
Not two seconds later, the dispatcher says, "OK, I gotta use you RIGHT NOW... that's your bus."
It's already loaded w/ people. That's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to talk to them while they're standing on line, ask where they're from, how are they enjoying NYC, etc. Then you go up and test your mic, set up your tip jar, come back down and check tickets as you welcome each individual onto the bus.
Nope! I look at the preferred place to plug in the mic, at the seat near the top of the stairs... and there's nothing but a hole in the metal. So I run up to the front of the bus, as far away from the stairs as possible. Takes me almost a whole minute to get the mic chord plugged into the jack which is mounted at a weird angle. Meanwhile, the bus starts to move.
So as soon as I get a sound out of the mic, I just go for it. I channel every WWE wrestler, every Rock Star, everybody who has ever successfully worked a mic... and I just start... "Hello, and WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY... we start today's tour in the Theater District as we head uptown... There are 40 theaters in New York City that qualify as 'Broadway Theaters'..." The notes never made it out of my backpack.
At each stop I announce, "So does anybody want to HOP OFF at the next stop..." Nobody got off the whole time. So either they liked what they were hearing, and wanted to hear more... or I wasn't selling the sites convincingly. I'm just gonna assume they liked what they were hearing.
Two hours later, after a lot of stuttering and stammering, flubbing a few facts here and there, searching for words that just didn't come... we pulled back into Time's Square. These folks got to see the Theater District, Columbus Circle, Lincoln Center, Central Park West, The Cathedral of St. John the Divine, Columbia University, Riverside Church, Grant's Tomb, The George Washington Bridge, HARLEM, Museum Mile (5th Avenue along Central Park), Grand Army Plaza (lower corner of Central Park), Central Park South, Carnegie Hall, and back to Times Square.
After splitting the tips with the driver, 50/50, I had enough to buy my fruit for the week with a couple of dollars left over. I get on the schedule in a day or two and should get 3 or 4 tours in a day. Not gonna get rich, but I said all along, this is the entry level. I'll do this through the summer while I begin networking and start building a repertoire of my own walking tours. Apparently with the right marketing, and the right product, a good guide can make a very comfortable living in this city.
OK, wasn't really harrowing, but it was every bit as nerve racking as I thought it might be.
I'm supposed to show up at 3:25. I showed up early, had my notes on cards on a clip board for easy reference in case I got stuck, had my mic and my tip jar, got my license on display in my neck lanyard. I walk over to the only driver and I introduce myself, and he says I MIGHT be on his next bus, or maybe the next one. I should go talk to the dispatcher. Dispatcher is a thug-life home boy working his cell phone, doesn't seem to want to pay any attention to me. Eventually I get his attention and told him I was told to show up at 3:25. He says, "OK, I'll put you on the 3:40 tour. Wait over there." That gives me a good 15 minutes.
Stage fright is at it's max... I sort of want to just walk away and say "This was a stupid idea anyway." JUST THEN I got a text, from a girl I know who likes to send inspirational messages once in a while. I haven't heard from her in six months at least... she has no idea what I'm doing. It read something like "Face your fears, do something new and exciting, be with new people today..."
Not two seconds later, the dispatcher says, "OK, I gotta use you RIGHT NOW... that's your bus."
It's already loaded w/ people. That's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to talk to them while they're standing on line, ask where they're from, how are they enjoying NYC, etc. Then you go up and test your mic, set up your tip jar, come back down and check tickets as you welcome each individual onto the bus.
Nope! I look at the preferred place to plug in the mic, at the seat near the top of the stairs... and there's nothing but a hole in the metal. So I run up to the front of the bus, as far away from the stairs as possible. Takes me almost a whole minute to get the mic chord plugged into the jack which is mounted at a weird angle. Meanwhile, the bus starts to move.
So as soon as I get a sound out of the mic, I just go for it. I channel every WWE wrestler, every Rock Star, everybody who has ever successfully worked a mic... and I just start... "Hello, and WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY... we start today's tour in the Theater District as we head uptown... There are 40 theaters in New York City that qualify as 'Broadway Theaters'..." The notes never made it out of my backpack.
At each stop I announce, "So does anybody want to HOP OFF at the next stop..." Nobody got off the whole time. So either they liked what they were hearing, and wanted to hear more... or I wasn't selling the sites convincingly. I'm just gonna assume they liked what they were hearing.
Two hours later, after a lot of stuttering and stammering, flubbing a few facts here and there, searching for words that just didn't come... we pulled back into Time's Square. These folks got to see the Theater District, Columbus Circle, Lincoln Center, Central Park West, The Cathedral of St. John the Divine, Columbia University, Riverside Church, Grant's Tomb, The George Washington Bridge, HARLEM, Museum Mile (5th Avenue along Central Park), Grand Army Plaza (lower corner of Central Park), Central Park South, Carnegie Hall, and back to Times Square.
After splitting the tips with the driver, 50/50, I had enough to buy my fruit for the week with a couple of dollars left over. I get on the schedule in a day or two and should get 3 or 4 tours in a day. Not gonna get rich, but I said all along, this is the entry level. I'll do this through the summer while I begin networking and start building a repertoire of my own walking tours. Apparently with the right marketing, and the right product, a good guide can make a very comfortable living in this city.
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