Sunday, November 20, 2016

Me and The Clown

I had a bad run-in with Ronald McDonald tonight. I thought maybe me and The Clown could settle our differences. After all, it's been a long time.

Nope... no love under the golden arches.

Besides the food being terrible, besides the dining room being a basket of deplorables, I gave the touch screen kiosk a try. The thing went into Robo-Block. More accurately, it brought me to a dead end.

It starts out friendly enough... "Touch Screen to Get Started".

My first choice was to select "Eat Here", then clicked in my order easily enough... swiped my card, and hit the buttons that should lead me to checkout. But at the end it brought me to a screen that insisted that I "Take a Table Number Indicator" and type in that number to an on-screen number pad. I couldn't get past this screen... what the heck IS a "Table Number Indicator" anyway?? The machine wasn't offering me anything. I looked over at the tables, and they weren't numbered and didn't have any indicators on them... and how the hell would I know which table I was going to sit at anyways... I was on the other side of the restaurant.

I hit the "need assistance" button, but nobody there was going to help. The cashier and staff were all busy doing their thing. Dammit, I can figure this out. It can't be THAT hard. What is a god damned Table Number Indicator... what would it look like... where can I "TAKE one??" Can I skip this option and just continue... nope, either enter a number or go back to the previous screen. NO OTHER OPTIONS.  In frustration I randomly hit the number "7" and hit enter. It went back to the start screen... no receipt, no "Your order has been entered"... just "Touch Screen to Get Started".

I yelled over towards the staff behind the counter, they said "Didn't it give you a receipt?" I said it's asked for a "Table Number Indicator"... they looked at me like I was crazy. They looked at their screen, saw that my order was on their list, and said "Take a seat".

So I sat down next to an old Spanish dude with a recently lit cigarette in his hand... it wasn't lit, but it looked like he had taken a few puffs from it a few minutes ago. He wreaked of cigarettes  He was yelling into his phone. He wasn't eating anything. All of the other tables had people sitting and talking... nobody seemed to be eating. There was a counter with tall stools (attached to the floor)... I moved over there. Eventually another customer came over to me and said that they were calling for me at the counter. Huh? I didn't hear anything.

So I went over to the counter trying to make eye contact w/ the staff. I had to speak up and say "Uh... did you call for me?" They seemed confused. Then I could see the light bulb go on over the cashier's head... "Oh yeah, that's his right there". She started handing me a bag... I said "That's to stay, please." (Remember, the first button I hit... probably the option that got me into this robo-block in the first place.) So she unpacked the food onto a tray and handed it to me. I then had to ask "Can I have some ketchup please?" I guess they don't give that out by default anymore.

So fine, I got my food. Now to enjoy some hot crispy Micky-D fries... ugh, just slightly above room temperature.

Screw You Clown !!! You stay on your side of the street and I'll stay on mine.

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